I used to be exceptionally bad at saying "no" to people, when they came to me for help - not least in the workplace. As a misunderstood attempt to be friendly, I would like to help anyone who contacted me with something that I could help them with.
And, as such, it was very good. Apart from the fact that I rarely had the resources to help all those who wanted help. Time used to run short.
And then suddenly it dawned on me: the fact that I cannot say "no", does not enable me to help everyone. It does not mean that I will not have to say "no" anyway. It just makes those who ask for help prioritize for me - after a first-come, first-served principle, resources are used, and when there are no more, the only possibility is to say "no, unfortunately". Or, what's even worse, return to some of those I have already promised to help and say that unfortunately, it cannot be done anyway. Hence, I basically reduce my own reliability.
So now I work with myself and do my best to get better, not saying "yes" to everything. In particular, if someone is better at helping than I - and that often happens - then less time is wasted. But also when there has to be room for something that's more important. Because I have learned that the only thing that happens when I cannot say no is that I exhibit unusually bad ability to prioritise.
(Translated from Noget om at sige nej, originally published October 19th, 2017)
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