Precious time well spent

Recently, I involved myself in a small project for a good friend. It was a time-limited task - I had a couple of weeks to come as far as I could, giving my immediate comments to a book draft. A task with which I could spend more or less time.
Why? some people will say.
And true - I could have said no. I could have done a superficial effort. Found a place here and there and written a comment, but otherwise it will be relatively quickly done. Time is valuable, as we know.
At this point, let us briefly stray out at a tangent.
Most people know the old anecdote about the philosophy professor who presents his students with a transparent container, which he first fills up with stones until the students say it's full - then he pours gravel in until the students say that now, it is really full - after which he eventually fills it up with sand until the students for the third time claim that there is room for no more in the container. Then the professor takes the exact same amount of sand, pours it into a similar container. Then there is room for the gravel, but not all of the stones - especially not the big ones - can be placed in the container.
The point is (and let us refrain from venturing too far into what I think is a particular Danish devaluation of the anecdote - that the professor in both cases ends the session by empty a full beer mug into the container, after which he, while the beer seeps through the sand, point out: "but remember: there's always room for a pint"): we should make room for the big, important things in our lives first - if we take the small indifferent things first, there will be no room for the big, meaningful things.
In this case, the comments I have written to the book draft (comments that I would describe as a piece of gravel greater than the average, or one of the smaller stones in my container) had no influence on the more significant things. I have had my sleep every night, done my duty at work and as a family man. I have had time for all the other things in the gravel category: my presence on social media (which I choose not to call procrastination) has been unchanged, I have written my daily blog posts and I even had time for my #7ThingsIReadThisWeek. I may have translated a blog post less, maybe skipped watching a TV broadcast - but that's about it. It has actually only been sand that I have not had room for.
I am writing this halfway through the time I have available for the purpose. And I'm sure I'll make it. Because I've actually seen it as a pleasure. I like it, I get this fabulous sense of flow, and I do not notice that time passes around me - and then it even serves a purpose.
So if I'm actually able to make a positive difference that way - well, I would say yes again - any time!
(Translated from Kostbar tid, vel anvendt)

On the topic of gratitude

Where I come from, Christmas is, once the most festive part of it is over, a quiet time.
For me, it's also a time for reflection. A time to be grateful for all the things I have in my life that make it a pleasure to get up every morning and to venture into the day, be it a weekday or a holiday.
If I may be allowed to become a little personal here: Not least, it is impossible not to be grateful to all the wonderful people that I surround myself with. Whether it's family that has been the closest and most intimate part of my life for as long as we are able to remember; close friends, whom I have known for decades; or newer friends, who I wish that I had come to know much earlier than I have - all of you are dear to my life; In your own way, each of you have helped turn the year that is now coming to an end into an excellent year, and I look forward to maintaining and expanding our relationships and friendships in the future.
I don't mention any of you specifically, but no one should feel forgotten. You all know who you are, and I can not even start to thank you as you deserve. I look forward to interact with you in the time to come.
(Translated from Noget om taknemmelighed)

On the topic of friends and haters

The other day, I came across a quote, which made me think. Actually, I think there is a lot of things to think about in the simple one-liner: “if your friends no longer serve your interests, ditch them, they have become haters".
One thing is: what kind of friends are these? Among true friends: sometimes I serve your interest, sometimes you serve mine, sometimes we are too absorbed with our own problems to serve any other interests than our own - but in general, over time, our mutual sum of interests are better served when we do it together as friends than they would have been, had we not been friends. That a friend for some time does not serve my interests does not automatically make her a hater - what has the risk of turning her into a hater is if I started seeing her as such. If the "friendship" is of a more superficial kind, there might of course be some truth in it - but seeing friends as a commodity that can be ditched (and perhaps even replaced with more superficial friendships) if they don't serve my interests will not end me up with really trusted friends that I can turn to anytime if the going gets tough. The interesting thing is: most of us have old friends that we might not be in touch with as frequently as we once were (and we might not actively serve each other's interest as much as we once did) - but if we really needed them, they would come to our rescue without asking a single question. That they do not continuously serve our interests does not make them lesser friends than before. Just as I am not a lesser friend even if I do not continuously serve their interests - I will be there for them without hesitation, when they really need me.
Another thing is: if friends really become haters (and I do not see this as happening just because for some time they do not serve my interests) - why does this happen? I think it is always relevant to find the underlying reason - as it might be something I have done that made this happen, and therefore, I should perhaps better my ways rather than ditch the people who cared for and trusted the better version who once was me. Otherwise, it might just turn more friends into haters and I will end up becoming a very lonesome person.
But sure - if friends really become haters for no apparent reason, the end of the friendship can be a very possible consequence.
And of course - the underlying question that I should have addressed up front, I see now: what does it mean "to serve my interests" - is it something that my friends actively do - or is it enough that they do not work against my interests? I personally think that the latter is quite sufficient, I can even understand it, if my friends work against my interests from time to time. Maybe this is a sign for me that my interests are not always optimal?
But the one-liner “if your friends no longer serve your interests, ditch them, they have become haters" I find dangerous. It might very well cause people to ditch what they should have cherished as long-term trusted friendships.
Translated from "Noget om venner og modstandere"

When friends disappoint

I was disappointed by a family friend the other day. Not one of the closest of family friends, but after all, someone who has been part of the family network for just over ten years, which still amounts to something, eventhough I have friends that I've known well for more than the double amount of time.

The way, in which I was disappointed was that the friend was in a situation where daily life was a little difficult to grasp, and I could easily have been able to contribute, if only she had reached out and asked. And when later I discovered that there had been a stressful situation where I could have made my little contribution to make a difference, but did not notice it because I was not asked - well, then I could not avoid being slightly disappointed. For why did she not as the most natural thing in the world consider that I could as easily have done such a small thing?

I think this is one of the situations where we can do ourselves and others a favour: if we are able to understand our friends and acquaintances to such an extent that we know when they would be happy to be asked for help. Some of the things for which we need help are so insignificant - or we might actually find these things so fun to do - that we do not need to know each other particularly well to ask.

So basically: when in need, consider asking your friends and acquaintances whether they would be able to help. There are actually people out there who will rather say "I'm in it for you!" than "What's in it for me?"

(Translated from Når venner skuffer, originally published April 24, 2016)