The battle against sleepless nights

I think most of us know the feeling of going to bed to (try to) sleep, with a head heavy from a mix of sadness, hopelessness and worries about something we've been working with during the day that we have not been able to bring to the point to which we would like to have it brought - just to wake up in the morning (after having finally fallen asleep far into the night) with a much more positive view of life. At least I, personally, have sometimes suffered quite a bit from it.

In fact, at one point, the feeling became so familiar that it allowed me to shake it off by calming myself with a simple "Do not worry about it - you know that you will wake up with a much lighter perspective in the morning". Although I know it's a strange meta argument, it has actually proven to be effective - and correct - in quite a large number of situations.

However, my dear friend from my Twitter tribe, Wendy Woolfork, mad eme understand that I ought to modify this large number of situations a bit. So I must underline that at least for me, it has proven to be effective. I am not able to say, that it is a silver bullet for anyone to use - and I recognize that there are worries with such an impact that they will not magically be gone at the break of dawn.

(Translated from Til kamp mod søvnløse nætter)

On the topic of avoiding unfortunate projections

Most of us know well enough the experience of struggling with personal problems from time to time. In many cases, nothing is easier than to blame other people or other things for the obstacles in one's way. But if a solution to the problems is needed, a little rule may be advantageous to keep in mind. I do not know whether there is a canonical form of it; the version I like to follow is this:

Do not project internal problems onto external circumstances.

It is so easy to give difficult times and other people's absurdities the blame for one's own demons, but it only rarely leads to anything constructive; times are no more favorable, and people no more reasonable, when they are blamed for something you go around struggling with yourself.
This does not mean that you should mess with your problems on your own. Much good can be achieved through the help of good friends in confidence - or, in severe cases, through professional help - but basically one has to resolve one's internal problems oneself, with or without help.
(Translated from Noget om at undgå uheldige projektioner, originally published January 29th, 2013)

On the topic of questions and answers

Image courtesy of pixabay / qimono

I have in recent years had the pleasure (and just the fact that I call it a pleasure, shows how far I have moved me in recent decades) to scratch the surface of the subject of psychology a bit. And in this context, I encountered some of the smartest stuff I've ever had the pleasure to hear. In all its simplicity:

Don't think you know the answer before you have heard the question.

It sounds so simple, because it is so obvious. But try to think about it: How often isn't it that we try to solve the problems of our friends, colleagues, family members and acquaintances, seen from our own point of view? How often isn't it that we try to address such situations based on the approach "I have tried the same myself"? In fact, I am convinced that this kind of situation should rather be addressed using additional, more detailed questions. By allowing the other party to answer the additional questions will probably make the person wiser about his or her own situation and thereby answer the big question on his or her own - and thereby, more is achieved than by oneself trying to deal with something that one does not understand the full extent of.
(Translated from Noget om spørgsmål og svar, originally published October 7th, 2012)