Anxiety at arm's length

A couple of years ago, I attended some lectures - including a lecture by a psychologist, who uses some time telling about, how he during his work life had done quite a lot of things due to chance; things that might not have been the obvious, and for sure not the secure, choice. But as he said:

If we can just keep anxiety at arm's length, we can move.

Even though I heard a lot of interesting stuff during a week of lectures at the time, it might be the above sentence that I have brought with me clearest in memory. Because if we make a habit of thinking like that, when we conjure up wild plans - and make certain to reassure ourselves, when there's nothing to be afraid of (and in most cases, there is nothing to be afraid of) - then it becomes so much easier to have a plan B at hand. And a plan C. And maybe actually work a bit on all of these plans while we are busy with whatever we are doing. Because there's nothing to be afraid of.
(Translated from Angst og armslængder, originally published October 2, 2012)

An (honest) appearance

We live in a culture that does not favour display of vulnerability and uncertainty - vulnerability and uncertainty are signs of weakness, and weakness is not a personal feature that has overwhelmingly positive impact on one's career prospects. Rather, it can be taken as an invitation to others that this is a person who is easily bullied.
But does it have to be that way? For is it not so that the one who tries to build up an unbreakable armour by radiating safety and invulnerability will make other people think that there must be something hidden somewhere? A weakness, which the person is overly eager not to put to display?
I think the best thing to do is simply to let other people know that I can also be vulnerable and insecure. If such cases are put on display, it becomes much more trustworthy when I appear to be robust in other situations - because I am able to show weakness.
Who knows - maybe one would even be able to hide the uncertainties that one is not interested in displaying in public?
(Translated from Et (ægte) ansigt udadtil, originally published October 12th, 2012)

On the topic of questions and answers

Image courtesy of pixabay / qimono

I have in recent years had the pleasure (and just the fact that I call it a pleasure, shows how far I have moved me in recent decades) to scratch the surface of the subject of psychology a bit. And in this context, I encountered some of the smartest stuff I've ever had the pleasure to hear. In all its simplicity:

Don't think you know the answer before you have heard the question.

It sounds so simple, because it is so obvious. But try to think about it: How often isn't it that we try to solve the problems of our friends, colleagues, family members and acquaintances, seen from our own point of view? How often isn't it that we try to address such situations based on the approach "I have tried the same myself"? In fact, I am convinced that this kind of situation should rather be addressed using additional, more detailed questions. By allowing the other party to answer the additional questions will probably make the person wiser about his or her own situation and thereby answer the big question on his or her own - and thereby, more is achieved than by oneself trying to deal with something that one does not understand the full extent of.
(Translated from Noget om spørgsmål og svar, originally published October 7th, 2012)