In praise of good colleagues

In previous blog posts, I have written about how important elements like good leadership, good corporate culture and corporate values ​​are as means to retain people in a workplace - but when discussing with Janice Kobelsky in continuation of my post about the tower that did not lean, it dawned on me that to my experience, one factor is even more significant. Good colleagues. Well, it does not have to be much more than just a single good colleague.
Now I have never been cast in such a way (or rather, my eyesight is not sufficiently good) allow me to spend time on any kind of military service, so I can not comment on the relationships that are formed among brothers in arms - but on a slightly less serious level, among people who remain my very close friends, I count a handful of excellent people who are all former colleagues of a quite exceptional nature.
They are the kind of people that I have always been able to get along with, without any of us having any kind of hidden agendas; where we have never been in doubt that no matter how dire straits we would end up in, we could trust that we would always have each other's back - this even went so far that when some of these people became former colleagues, they told me about their considerations long before they left their position.
Such people are rare. But there is no doubt that when you meet them you should stick to them. Also long after you are no longer colleagues - because they are not only unusually good colleagues; they also have the potential to form unusually good, lifelong friendships.
(Translated from Til den gode kollegas pris, originally published February 14th, 2018)

On the topic of friends and haters

The other day, I came across a quote, which made me think. Actually, I think there is a lot of things to think about in the simple one-liner: “if your friends no longer serve your interests, ditch them, they have become haters".
One thing is: what kind of friends are these? Among true friends: sometimes I serve your interest, sometimes you serve mine, sometimes we are too absorbed with our own problems to serve any other interests than our own - but in general, over time, our mutual sum of interests are better served when we do it together as friends than they would have been, had we not been friends. That a friend for some time does not serve my interests does not automatically make her a hater - what has the risk of turning her into a hater is if I started seeing her as such. If the "friendship" is of a more superficial kind, there might of course be some truth in it - but seeing friends as a commodity that can be ditched (and perhaps even replaced with more superficial friendships) if they don't serve my interests will not end me up with really trusted friends that I can turn to anytime if the going gets tough. The interesting thing is: most of us have old friends that we might not be in touch with as frequently as we once were (and we might not actively serve each other's interest as much as we once did) - but if we really needed them, they would come to our rescue without asking a single question. That they do not continuously serve our interests does not make them lesser friends than before. Just as I am not a lesser friend even if I do not continuously serve their interests - I will be there for them without hesitation, when they really need me.
Another thing is: if friends really become haters (and I do not see this as happening just because for some time they do not serve my interests) - why does this happen? I think it is always relevant to find the underlying reason - as it might be something I have done that made this happen, and therefore, I should perhaps better my ways rather than ditch the people who cared for and trusted the better version who once was me. Otherwise, it might just turn more friends into haters and I will end up becoming a very lonesome person.
But sure - if friends really become haters for no apparent reason, the end of the friendship can be a very possible consequence.
And of course - the underlying question that I should have addressed up front, I see now: what does it mean "to serve my interests" - is it something that my friends actively do - or is it enough that they do not work against my interests? I personally think that the latter is quite sufficient, I can even understand it, if my friends work against my interests from time to time. Maybe this is a sign for me that my interests are not always optimal?
But the one-liner “if your friends no longer serve your interests, ditch them, they have become haters" I find dangerous. It might very well cause people to ditch what they should have cherished as long-term trusted friendships.
Translated from "Noget om venner og modstandere"

All people are customers

In our current, highly commercialised society, with its extensive freedom of choice everywhere, we have to realise that all people are customers - in the sense that in virtually every relationship we are part of, we can consider ourselves as items that we have to make available for sale. If I want a job, I must make my skills marketable; if I want to socialise, I must make myself sufficiently interesting to be let in; if I want to enter into a relationship with a significant other, I must sell my qualities to this person.
We are however in the situation that as citizens, we do not have to sell us to the nation; just like parents in typical families have a monopoly on the product they offer to their children - and we can also be so fortunate that through an advantageous sale we have made earlier, we live on old market value - there are both employment relationships and interpersonal relationships that exist on the inertia inherent in such relationships - but basically, one can just as well come to terms with it: I am a commodity, my surroundings are my customers, and my relationships to them depend on my market value in their opinion. And, of course, the other way around - for my outside world are also goods, I am their customer, and my inclination to buy depends on their market value in my eyes.
It may be a bitter pill to swallow - and of course you can try arguments like "but my friends accept me for who I am". Of course. Because you are worth it. Or - which should be a matter of particular reflection - because you are still selling on the basis that at an earlier stage, you had a market value, which was sufficiently high for you to still enjoy its afterglow...
(Translated from Alt er kunder, originally published September 12th, 2013)

On the topic of true friends

A thought, which often comes to me when I think about the closest of my many good friends and acquaintances, is the following, which I can enjoy over and over again.

True friends remember the secrets you have repressed and pretend to have forgotten them.

No further comments are really necessary to accompany this.
(Translated from Noget om sande venner)